Check out my toes and my purple tooshie!

I don’t have too much to report this week but I do have a STINKIN CUTE video so I’ll get right to it!

Keelin has become a professional spit bubble blower. She can be happy, fussy, giggling, or yelling but you can bet she’ll have those little lips pressed together blowing spit bubbles. It’s one of the cutest, and messiest, things so far. She does it enough to soak up multiple onesies in a day. Even her bibs are no match or her bubble blowing skills!  I’ll have to catch it on video some day soon {story of my life}.

Like I partially mentioned in last week’s post, Keelin’s legs are getting super hero strong. So much so that one of Keelin’s new favorite things is ‘standing’. She is a squirmy worm in your arms, wiggling around and arching her back, until you help balance her while she boosts herself up on her legs. This I DID catch on video. And by catch I mean totally staged. Check it…{and please ignore my unwashed hair and gross face… focus on the adorable child}

See what I mean about walking before she crawls?!? So gifted.

Keelin is also a fan of her new exersaucer. We’ve had it for a few weeks {got it for free from some friends} but she’s just now really loving it. She spins herself around and makes sure to play with everything in reach. Especially the animal buttons that, when pressed multiple times, make the appropriate animal noises, announce the name of said animal, give you the SPANISH translation for the animal, and then play a small piece of classical music! Boy oh boy these toys are SPIFFY!

She’s still a giggling fool, loves the pups, and spends most of the day smiling and working on her ninja skills as she sees how many times she can roll from her back to her tummy without me seeing it. Sneaky thing.

Z and I are heading to the Georgia Renaissance festival this weekend with fome friends and family and I can’t wait to see how Keelin does. Aka I’m hoping she doesn’t totally hate it all. The weather is supposed to be perfect {fingers crossed} so hopefully between the stroller, the moby, the paci, and the boob I’ll be able to find something that will keep her happy! Maybe get her a henna tattoo.

Totally kidding.

She’d never sit still long enough to get a henna.


Until next time…

First NEW JOB Funny Story, That Has Really NOTHING To Do With My New Job

As many of you know I have a new job.
It’s a HUGE improvement from the hell hole of terror and fear that I was in before and I’m loving just about everything about it. My coworkers are fantastic, my boss is fun and hysterical, my workspace is open and sunny and while the commute has definitely boosted my road rage, going into the city for work makes me feel like some big shot business woman from a romantic comedy. {Yes, I’m a dork}
While there are plenty of areas to eat within the office, the warm Georgia weather has been calling my name to bask in it’s glory. So, to show respect to Mother Nature, I’ve started taking advantage of the patio on the first floor and have been eating lunch outside. Not only to bask in the Georgia heat but to get a little sun while I’m at it.
Normally people don’t pay much attention to me, probably because I’m sitting alone, wearing sunglasses, with my nose buried in Something Borrowed by Emily Griffin {currently at least}.

A must read!… excited to see the movie once I’m finished!

Every so often someone might approach me to share my table and umbrella or to snag one of the vacant chairs surrounding lonely little me. I always agree with a smile and continue on with my lunch and reading. No big deal. Totally normal. 

That was until a few days ago when I was joined by a very ‘interesting’ character. A character that had me questioning not only the country’s educational system as a whole but a number of other facets of life. 
Now I’ll be the first one to admit that our full interaction isn’t really something I would expect people to be shocked at, but I just wanted to share it with all of you to, once again, see if my internal reaction was totally nuts or totally warranted. 
So, as usual I was sitting by myself, enjoying my lunch, a great book, and the bright shining sun on my shoulders and I noticed there was someone walking towards me. I looked up and saw a real-life fashion train wreck. I’m no fashionista but at least I know this much… a skin tight, black and white, horizontally striped mini-skirt paired with a low cut black tank top with a little flash of purple bra and streaks of red in your hair is the perfect recipe for disaster. I did a pretty good job of keeping my composure but little did I know that my attempt to keep my jaw from wagging open in shock would soon be joined by the need to avoid giving this chick a full-fledged “WTF” face.  
As she gets closer, she points to one of the empty chairs at my table and says, “Uuhhm, can I plop a squat right heeya?”. 
Dear Board of Education,
When people speak this way in grade school, please do not assume that they will grow out of it with maturity or that it’s simply a way to rebel against traditional forms of order. It’s a serious problem that needs to be remedied… BEFORE they are released into the REAL WORLD and expected to make a name for themselves. 
Quit effing things up.
Someone who knows how to speak without sounding like a total bonehead.
So, while keeping my face in check, I simply smiled and said, “Yes, of course.”
Hoping Thinking that was the end of the conversation, I went back to my book but the fashion victim continued her awkward introduction with, “I idn’t {intentionally spelled wrong to fully identify what this girl sounded like} meanta interrrrupt yo lunch o nuthin.”
What I said: “Oh no, you’re fine”
What I wanted to say: “Learn to speak properly before opening your mouth again I’ll be less irritated with your CONTINUED interruptions.”
We sat in silence for a good 10 minutes as I alternated between reading, basking in the sunlight and munching on my PB&J. She was filling out some kind of paperwork, jib-jabbin on her phone and going to town on a bag of pork rinds. {yes, pork rinds} All was well with the world until I switched over from my PB&J to a bowl of cottage cheese and peaches. It’s not for everyone but it’s an all time favorite of mine.  


The Fashion Victim piped up and said, “Is that uuuuhm, that fruit and cream cheese stuff?” 
Cream cheese?
Me {accompanied with a snobby hidden eye roll behind my sunglasses}: “Cottage cheese”
Fashion Victim: “Uggghhh, I hate that stuff but my mama luuuuvs it.”
Me: blank stare. 
I totally understand that everyone has their own opinion when it comes to what you eat but when you have just joined a complete stranger who is obviously content doing her own thing without your spastic commentary, the proper course of action is NEVER to say that what she’s eating is gross. Just some FOOD for thought, friend. 
Soon after our cheese exchange her phone rang and it appeared that whoever she was ‘ploppin a squat’ to wait for had arrived. Drat… 
I was actually a little bummed that I wouldn’t get more material for a witty story-telling blog post until she had gathered her things, stood from the table and proceeded to top off the lunch hour with a conversational WINNER! 
Fashion victim: “Ain’t get ta meet cha but have a good rest o yo day”
Me {unsure of what was actually just said to me}: “Um, thanks. You too?”
And with a flash of her too-tight-for-comfort striped skirt she was gone… and I was utterly satisfied knowing I could take away just enough to compile this sassy post. 
But let’s be serious for a minute. 
I’m not sure where this chick was coming from, or where she was going, but based on the general age of people I normally see coming out of our building with folders in hand and “interview attire” I’d venture to guess that there is some kind of “real world prep” course being offered to students and recent grads interested in getting interview and resume help. If that’s the case I really hope that she wasn’t coming from or going to an interview because anyone in their right mind would turn her away at the first flash of her purple bra. If they took a leap of faith and gave her the benefit of the doubt DESPITE her choice of attire, the second she opened her mouth they would have wondered where she got such a realistic counterfeit high school diploma from and said, “Thanks, but no thanks!”
The moral of the story:
Learn proper grammar.
Figure out what professional attire means.
Realize that no matter how cute your bra is, no one wants to see it.
Don’t talk about my cottage cheese.
And realize that NO ONE should ever eat pork rinds. 

Until next time… 
Have you ever encountered someone that makes you question America’s educational system? Share your story with the class. 

OMG! Like, is that like, hot?

Oh friends, do I have a tale to share with you!
Z and I encountered a group of morons last Friday night that made me feel like I was back in high school. Only not really because my friends in high school didn’t talk like these buffoons. And if they did they probably wouldn’t have been my friends for that long. {That sounds really harsh but it will all make sense soon}
Z and I were out at Kampai hibachi and sushi celebrating my new job! {woot woot!} I’m sure you’ve all been to a restaurant like this, it’s the kind where they cook your food in front of you.

I’ve always loved these places because they make me feel like a kid on an elementary school field trip. I’m still amazed at the huge bursts of fire, egg tossing and knife spinning. Plus the food is fantastic and the white seafood sauce {aka YUM YUM sauce} is to die for. Seriously, when I’m old and heading toward the light, just hook that stuff up to my IV and let me go in creamy delicious peace. MMMM Yum Yum. 🙂

Anyway, when we arrived at the restaurant {by motorcycle of course… so B.A.} all the tables were full and most were already cooking up a storm so we were seated at an empty table and the waitress took our drink order. We were soon joined by a woman and her squirmy little boy, about 2 years old. As she walked in and got him situated in a high chair she informed us that it was “close to his bed time”. She probably wanted to warn us just in case he started screaming and decided to throw his pacifier into the fried rice. The kid was fine and barely made a peep but it was our next set of guests that had Z, myself and mama bear cringing every time they opened their mouths. 
As we sat in peace, watching the royal wedding recap {I was watching, Z was entertaining the squirmy baby with funny faces and strange noises} our moment of tranquility was suddenly breached by valley girl chit chat, annoying giggles and too-cool-for-school bad-ass bro rebuttal. Apparently Dumb, Dumber and Drunk McGee were the final three to complete our table for the evening. The two girls had platinum blonde hair and eyeliner so thick they made Jack Sparrow look like make-up perfection:
They both had on SKIN TIGHT dresses and sky high heels. Their bumbling idiot of a companion looked, smelled and sounded like he’d already taken a swim in a keg of Natty Light and tried to cover it up with some cheap calogne. It was then that we knew that it was going to be an interesting night. 
When the waitress {who was a tiny mouse of a lady} came to take their drink orders the girls blurted out their diet soda requests {why was I not surprised?} and Drunk McGee ordered a Sake Bomb. {so much for my quiet evening of celebration with the hubs} I had never heard of a Sake Bomb but knew it had to be bad news. For those of you who are as in the dark as I was, a Sake Bomb is basically a Jager bomb with warm Sake. 

The waitress set the first one up for him, placing a napkin on the table in case of spillage. I’m not sure if the napkin is a normal practice or if she just had an inkling that Drunk McGee would find a way to make a mess. Either way, we watched in slight horror as the sure-to-be-catastrophe continued. McGee asked the super sweet waitress how to count to three in Japanese to make things REALLY official, and she informed him it was ichi-ni-san {itchy, knee, sahn}. Great, now the drunk smelly boy is speaking poor Japanese.
Now before I go on, there’s one more detail you should know. There is one other difference between a Jager bomb and a Sake bomb. As you see in the picture, the Sake is suspended above the glass of beer by two chopsticks. With Jager bombs you drop the shot into the glass but Sake bombs require a little more SHOW. In order to get the Sake to drop in the glass, one must BANG ON THE TABLE until the vibration makes the Sake drop. {hurray}
So. Drunk McGee YELLS for the entire restaurant to hear, “ICHY, NI, SAN” and proceeds to crash his behemoth-like fist repeatedly on the table until the chopsticks part ways and the shot drops making a fizzy mess. The blonde bimbos giggled and clapped then cheered him on as he chugged the bubbling concoction {and by chugged I mean managed to only get 1/2 in his mouth while the rest flowed down the sides of his face… keeping it classy, of course}.
Once the excitement died down we put in our dinner order while the rest of the table continued to search the menu. Dumb and Dumber felt the need to talk the rest of us through their decision making processes as they figured out what and how much they wanted to eat. 

  • “OMG, do they have sushi here? We should totally do sushi. Where’s the waitress, I want sushi” -Dumb
  • “I’m getting the steak, I think. Or should I get chicken. I, like, can never decide. Maybe I’ll just get both, I can totally eat both.” -Dumber
  • “Doesn’t the salad come with that, like, REALLY good pink dressing stuff. I think it’s ginger or something. Is it ginger? That shit’s my favorite, what is it?” {yes, all three of them were cursing like sailors in ear shot of the little boy at the other end of the table. His mother’s eyes got bigger and bigger with each f-bomb. I’m surprised she didn’t say anything.} -Dumber
  • “Yo, how much food you gettin anyways? NO way you can eat all that shit.” – Drunk. McGee
  • “Oh my god, that grill is like, really really hot. I almost touched it you guys. HAHA. What if I had touched it?” – Dumber
  • “Yo, check it, it’s Sake bomb time!” – Drunk McGee

Now normally when I go to these places I walk in knowing good and well that I will NOT be able to finish my meal, because it’s NEVER HAPPENED. But I’m always excited that I’ll have left overs for the next day’s lunch! People, these girls BOTH ordered full plates of sushi with 10 rolls each and a full hibachi meal including a starter soup and salad {the ones with that good pink dressing stuff}. 
After they ordered things moved pretty fast. When the chef entered the room with his cart of goodies and tricks I was excited and ready to block out the idiocy beside me. That lasted about 2 seconds before dumber yelled out, “Please don’t give me any of that white sauce. That stuff is nasty. I only like the brown sauce, thaaaaaanks.” If I were not in such a good mood from learning of my new job I may have flown across the table to grab her and attempt to shake out the stupid. {It would have taken a LOT of shaking} The chef looked at her like the rude idiot she was, smiled, nodded and proceeded with this personalized cooking show. He was really fun and kept trying to get us to interact with him but dumb and dumber had moved on to a more important topic:

Dumber: “OMG that Asian girl wrote on your facebook wall? {yes, she said ASIAN GIRL}
Dumb: No, way, did she really? 
Dumber: Um, YEAH, Do you even know her? 
Dumb: No, ew. Why is she writing on my wall?
Dumber: What the hell, like, why did you accept her friend request?
Dumb: Oh my god, I don’t even know. Maybe I was drunk. HAHAHAHA!
Dumber: Oh my god I was so hungover this morning. Last night was, like, totally nuts.

This conversation carried on for the next 5 minutes until the chef started chucking pieces of egg into people’s mouths. He did a great job at making it look like it was part of the act but I think he was secretly trying to get them to shut up. Kudos chef man!

Once Drunk McGee had his turn at catching egg in his mouth he asked the chef if he could squirt Sake into his mouth next. Let me add that he was probably 3 Sake bombs deep at this point. At first I really thought the chef was going to do it but instead he used one of the many gag squirt bottles to fake Drunkface out. I found great pleasure in his humiliation. 
Next up, Dumber BLURTS out at the chef, “OMG, like, where is our sushi? Shouldn’t it be done by now? Isn’t it supposed to come before the meal?”. I swear chef man could have burned a hole in her head with the look he gave her but he shook it off, smiled and said that the sushi bar was really swamped and it should be out soon. 
 The rest of the night was as idiotic as the start, with more Sake bombs {yes, even more}, stupid comments and pictures being taken. Then Dumber saw someone she knew from across the room and proceeded to yell his name out to get his attention. He seemed to have the same number of brain cells that they did. 
Did I mention it was Dumb’s birthday? Yeah, she got a {FREE} giant piece of fried ice cream cake with a candle on top, which Dumber immediately commented on with, “Um, what the hell is that?” but not before the announced that the waitress ruined the surprise by telling them they were bringing out something special for the birthday girl. {She will do great things in life} 
The moral of this story is, avoid dropping your babies on their heads in the first few years of their life, avoid eating mushrooms unless they are in the produce section of a grocery store and when that little voice in your head tells to to take a big wif of that Sharpie marker, tell it to shove off. 

Until next time…
Have you ever had to share a dinner table with the world’s worst dinner guests? 

I am NOT a Star Spinner

… but my hubby is!
You may be thinking that I’ve completely lost my marbles but I’ll explain…
First, take a minute and humor me. Picture the coolest job in the world. One where you can not only show off your skills but have a blast at the same time. One where you work with amazingly talented people and you receive support and praise from your peers. Pretty great huh? Now slowly come back to reality… making the transition from fantasy to normal too fast could cause a sudden stroke of depression.
That amazingly cool job you just thought of, basically that’s Z’s new job. Before I tell you SPECIFICALLY what it is, take a look at this.

Did you see the guy at about 0:53 in the very center with the tan vest? That’s my hubs auditioning in New York!
Yes, ladies and gents, Z is currently one of 3 actors taking on the roll of ‘Star Spinner’ in the Georgia Aquarium’s new live-action show, Dolphin Tales
Although you saw some guys dancing and singing in the above video, it doesn’t really give you a real idea of who Star Spinner is. 
Allow me to enlighten you, and introduce you to.
{drum roll please}


photos from H2WHOAH blog. 
photo from MSN
photo from Online Athens

Hopefully you noticed that these aren’t actually of Z but of a fellow actor. None the less, they hopefully give you a better idea of the character he gets to play. He is a fabled story teller who becomes friends with dolphins and spins their stories into the stars, therefore creating DOLPHIN TALES!
Are you impressed or laughing?  Don’t worry… I’m usually both. 
Before I go any further allow me to remind you that this is, indeed, a KID-focused show. Not that it isn’t enjoyable for all ages, but lets be honest, when a company who is known for it’s work with Disney takes on a show for the Georgia Aquarium, you can bet they created it with kids in mind above all others. But I digress. 
You might be asking yourself what an average day in the life of a Star Spinner entails. Oh, nothing much. Just singing some tunes while dolphins fly and flip through the air and thousands of eager guests stare in awe. No biggie… {Do you hate him a little right now? I do}
Dolphin Tales had it’s grand opening this past Saturday to a PACKED house. The stage is epic, the show is spectacular, the dolphins are sensational and the production value is out of this world.At only 30 minutes in length  I have no doubt this one will quickly become an aquarium guest favorite. 

photo from USA Today. 

I was fortunate enough to see it opening night and attend a fantastic after party. Just one of the many perks of being a Star Spinner’s wife. I’ll let you contain your jealousy before moving on…

Everything under control? Good. Because I’m about to blow your mind a little more with how ridiculously cool this job is. 
According to the hubs, the backstage area is basically a dolphin playground where they frolic, play and interact with one another outside of “rehearsal” time. There are a total of 11 dolphins with 5 performing at a time. Z said that it’s really surreal to be in the middle of it all because while he rehearses the show the dolphins will come right up to his feet during their “free time” and try to get his attention by making that charming clicking noise or splashing his feet with water. I would be so tempted to jump right in and join playtime but obviously that’s a BIG no no and the PROFESSIONAL trainers are the only ones allowed in the pool. Oh, and as a side note, Z quickly learned that you don’t call the ‘pool’ a ‘tank’. Ever. He also learned that the dolphins don’t do ‘tricks’ they do ‘behaviors’. 

photo from ABC News

Never in a million years did I think that something like this would fall into our laps but alas, it has. Z will be star-spinning for the next year and I’ll be a proud wife sitting in the audience for as many performances as I can. *Fun fact… in terms of the dolphins, every show is different from the last because if you repeat the BEHAVIOR patterns the dolphins will get bored and not want to perform. Aren’t God’s creatures brilliant?!*
Okay so enough about how awesome my hubby’s job is and onto a little shameless advertising. 

photo from

While it definitely has it’s share of Broadway CHEESE, it’s really quite entertaining and as I said before, great for all ages. There are some pretty intense special effects {lightening, wind, thunder, etc} so parents of tiny children should know that going in. As I looked around the audience on Sunday, everyone was in awe. 
I’m not sure exactly when, probably around the time the first dolphin came out for a speedy circular pass, but I became a kid again sitting in that theater. I caught myself blurting out things like “OH MY GOD” and “WOW” when one of the trainers zipped past me, standing on the backs of two dolphins like show horses and again when, out of nowhere, another trainer and dolphin sky-rocketed out of the water, grabbed some WICKED AIR and gracefully splashed back in the pool. YEAH… epic! With every flipper wave and giant splash I know the stupid grin on my face got bigger and bigger.  Z wasn’t performing that night so he was able to watch with me. Of course, having seen it performed a half a dozen times and being in the show himself, I’m sure the novelty had worn off a bit. I did catch him looking at me and my stupid grin a number of times just to see if I was enjoying myself. And I was. 
There isn’t a bad seat in the house and the first few rows are actually marked with water drops to show they are in the “splash zone”. It’s not a “let’s try and splash these poor dry people” type of show but there is an awful lot of water moving around in that tank pool. 
Really and truly if you live in Georgia it’s a show worth seeing. If you DON’T live in Georgia but are looking for a fun place to take the kids this summer, the GA Aquarium is it. Once you wear your feet out seeing all the exhibits, pop a squat at Dolphin Tales for a fantastic end to your day.
That’s enough for me and my shameless plug. 

Until next time…
What other shows or events take you right back to your childhood or are guaranteed to slap a stupid grin across your face?