Hospital tour SHENANIGANS!

Being that my weekly countdown has officially dipped into the single digits {eek!}, I thought it would be appropriate to share Z and my latest baby prep “adventure”. Last Thursday we had the pleasure of taking a Labor and Delivery tour at the hospital where Keelin will make her grand entrance. It’s about 15 minutes from the house, connected to the office building of my midwife and on the “newer” side of life so it’s SUPER nice. You may remember I mentioned my excitement for the tour in my 30 weeks update, and now you get to hear all about it! HOORAY!

Well, not ALL about it, because it was an hour-long tour and I highly doubt you want me to physically describe each room and tiny detail, but MOST of it because it involves me making fun of the people that were on the tour with us… YAY!

{Note to self: do more people watching because it will inevitably provide IDEAL blog material that will bring joy and laughter to the world!}

Z and I arrived about 10 minutes early for the 6:00pm tour, filled out our paperwork and were told to take a seat by a very sweet elderly woman named Barbara. She was spunky and cute so I re-named her Babs. There was only one other pregnant couple in the lobby and they looked like a fairly normal duo… despite the fact that they both looked like they’d rather be anywhere else but in the hospital. He was tall with glasses and seemed fairly nerdy {Urkel, if you will} and she was short with a bump smaller than mine and eyes that looked like they were about to jump out of her head {think Pepe from the Muppets}.

I do not own this image, click to see where I got it!

At first I wondered if she was startled by something or REALLY had to pee, but it turns out that’s just the way she looked.

Once Babs was ready, she called us together and started the tour. Again, I will spare you ALL the details and sum them up with the following flow chart:

YES, I spent way too much time on this!

But on to the good part… you know, the poking fun part.

But before I move on, I should point something out. For those of you who know Z and I, or who have been with Life in these times… for any amount of time, you should already know that we are fairly outgoing people who thrive off of interaction with others. I always joke and say that Z could make friends with a lamp-post, which is a bit of a stretch, but we generally enjoy the presence of other people and are not the couple you’d find lurking in the back of a room trying not to talk to anyone but each other. Not us. Not how we roll. So, during the majority of the tour we would make silly comments {when appropriate… like when we saw the EPIC theater-style spotlights that adjust to shine right on a ladies’ hoohaa during delivery} and joke with Babs about this and that. It was, by no means, a FORMAL tour and Babs would trail off every few minutes talking about her grandchildren so it wasn’t like we had to be stiff and stern the whole time. Apparently Urkel and Pepe had other plans. They never smiled, never laughed, never made one attempt to join in to ANY conversation. Have fun kid, your parents are a real hoot.

At one point during the delivery room part of the tour, while Babs was around the corner grabbing one of the exercise balls that the hospital provides to help with back pain, I thought I would try to strike up a conversation with our tour friends.

“So, when are you due?” I asked.

Pepe whipped her head and HUGE eyes around at me and said in the most monotone voice ever, “January 17” and looked away again.

Now my recent experiences with fellow preggos have been QUITE pleasant. Sharing due dates, sharing the sex, sharing the name we’ve chosen… it’s a lot of sharing. Pepe wasn’t much of a sharer.

She didn’t ask when I was due, as a fellow preggo normally would, so I simply started back and broke her attempt to ignore me with, “That’s WONDERFUL, I’m due December 26!” accompanied by a cheesy smile!

She was not amused. Babs returned, we had a few more moments of awkward silence, and we moved on to the Mother-Baby room where things got REALLY fun!

You’ve probably seen in most movies that when women have babies, they are moved into a nursery to be monitored.

image from creative commons

There’s always that classic scene with the parents staring through the glass pointing their baby out to the other couples. Well those DO exist, but these days it’s become more of the ‘norm’ for babies to stay in the room with mom and dad.

Babs was in the middle of telling us that the baby would her own bassinet in the room with us for as long as we were there when Pepe piped up with sudden urgency.

“You mean you DON’T take babies to the nursery for the first night?”

Babs explained that the option was still available but in the 5 years that she’d been doing the tour she’d only heard two couples say that they’d prefer the nursery option. I could immediately tell that Pepe was shocked but she didn’t say anything else and we continued on.

Later in the hall, when Babs was out of earshot, Pepe leaned over to me and said, “Am I crazy or something for wanting ONE last night of sleep before taking the baby home? Is it REALLY that rare?”. I was so shocked {1. That she was talking to me at all and 2. That her tone was LEGIT PISSED at the whole situation} and just laughed and smiled.

What did she want me to say to her? Was it really necessary for her to get a perfect stranger’s validation for her choice?

Personally, I’m not going to want to take Keelin out of my sight, but I have no problem with parents choosing to utilize the nursery in the hospital and I’m definitely not going to JUDGE another mother for having a different opinion than mine. But, apparently Pepe REALLY wanted us to know why she would even consider the nursery option.

A second event took place in the Mother-Baby room when a tiny Asian lady came rushing into the room with a panicked look on her face saying, “The website said 6:30”! {She was wrong, but it’s okay. We were supposed to be in happy daydreamy baby land…}Pepe pulled the same head-whipping action as before and said, quite loudly, “NO, it was 6:00! The tour started at 6!” At this point the little Asian woman’s eyes got about as big as Pepe’s. Obviously she was wrong, because we were over ½ way done with the tour, but it was nothing to get upset about. SHEESH Pepe… COOL IT!

Here’s the deal folks. People have very different personalities and not EVERYONE can make friends with lampposts, but at least TRY to be pleasant to those you meet. Quit being so stuffy and rude and just go with the flow. I promise it will make life SO MUCH easier and you won’t give birth to the most up-tight child on the planet.

I hope you enjoyed the tale of our hospital tour and that it brought you as much joy and entertainment as it did us.

Until next time…

Do you have any stuffy-stranger stories worth sharing? TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT!

13 thoughts on “Hospital tour SHENANIGANS!

  1. If your hospital is anything like mine, you should add “someone from the hosptial staff to bug you at least every hour” to the oohing and aahing about visitors section. Going home was the best thing ever when we finally got the go ahead to. I got more sleep in a few hours at home than I did in the hospital after I delivered.

    And like you, I wasn’t letting my girl out of my sight in the hospital. The second night, we almost gave in since she would not calm down and I was going on an hour of sleep in the prior 36 hours. But, not being away from her outweighed being sleep deprived.

    And what pregnant woman doesn’t ask another pregnant woman her due date? I always talked to other pregnant women when I was pregnant and always asked that!

  2. I am so glad I stumbled across your blog! This post is hilarious and I hope I can be lucky enough to glean that much entertainment when I go on my hospital tour! Best of luck with your little nugget!

    • Welcome! So glad you found it… And extra glad it’s entertaining enough to stick around! Congrats on your little one as well! Can’t wait to backtrack and read about your journey so far!

  3. The Back Story…Urkle, the patriarch of a polygamist family, is uneasy at the prospect of admitting Pepe to hospital. The other 11 children have been birthed at home under the care of the sister wives.. But, because of Pepe’s hyperthyroidism, every precaution must be taken to insure a safe delivery. Pepe, however is ecstatic about this opportunity to leave the compound. With 11 kids and 4 sister wives, she seldom gets any rest (thus her angst about the nursery option) and is thinking of this birth as more of a mini vacation. When asked about her due date, Pepe responded anxiously with a fictitious day, surmising that you may be a federal agent gathering information about the family. Her response to the Asian woman’s error was a mirror into her soul. Mistakes are not permitted at the compound. One slip…one word carelessly uttered…and the authorities will shut them down. Her inner anger seeped out as she spoke because Pepe, in her heart of hearts, hopes that one day the feds will do just that.

  4. Pingback: Hump Day Bump Day – 34 weeks « Life in these times…

  5. Pingback: Hospital Tour Part Duex « Life in these times…

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